If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
