i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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