Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
