this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
