I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
