Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
