I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
