You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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