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• (240): View more from Maryland

  I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Ohh that happened after I started to cry.

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• (650): View more from California

  Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...

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• (716): View more from New York

  An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready

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• (716): View more from New York

  Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree

  (404): View more from Georgia

  YES.

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.

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