I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
