He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
