Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
