Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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