He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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