Sry I called you an 8
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
is that a dick in a sweater?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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