dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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