If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
