I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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