Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
