yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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