if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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