My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
