I need help removing her.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
