Apparently you make a good broom.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
