you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
