i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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