How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
