She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
