Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
