Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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