i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
