I want to make a zoo with you.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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