doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
