My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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