Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
