I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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