I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize