oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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