I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
