this must be what syphilis tastes like
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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