Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
