Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
