she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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