worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
