Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
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I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
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I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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