I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
