dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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