Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
