I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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