I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
