I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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