Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
