The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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