Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize