This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
