i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My pussy is not your playground.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
God I need to hump something, right now.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
