I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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