ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
birth control should be required to get into college
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
