The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
