Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
