Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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