Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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