HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My vagina is officially offended.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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