in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
