The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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