I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
