Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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