I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
