I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
