i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
