I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
