Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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