So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
