My sheets look like a crime scene.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
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I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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