he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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