he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
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P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
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didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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