her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
