How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
