He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
