Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
